Out of loneliness and boredom, today' I've decided to change the layout of my blog. Big deal, it's an evolution.
Face it. Things are changing. People have changed. Judging by the results of the election, we are about to see more changes, which I believe something that people of the country is hoping to achieve. I'm not gonna dwell on that. To me, I don't really care. Even if the opposition wins, it's not like they're going to recognize our Angkasawan Negara marrying the man of his life tomorrow.
Anyways, while working on the new layout, it just got me thinking about how much life has changed . Of course, there are a list of things I'm proud of. However, recently I see a difference in the dynamic of my friendship. It's one thing that I feel tough to make myself comfortable with because it is one of the things I treasure most in my life. And it's affecting me.
Back then, we used to hang out together almost every night. There were so many things to talk about, or even if nobody's talking, it felt like the communication still exists. It's all different now, just because of a silly drama happened just before CNY. Everyone are so rigid in the way they say things, for fear of offending others. Everyone have to take into consideration other's feelings so much. Just a wrong choice of word would end up stepping on the sensitive side and someone's temper. It's becoming like work - if I say this, what would the client think? How would the client respond, and what would be my best answer?
Well, yes... even friends need to be careful with words, respect each other and be a little more understanding. As how we've been through. But as I keep doing it, for about barely 3 weeks now, I just feel things are not real anymore. It's fake that I couldn't tell you that I don't like hanging out with you seeing the father-just-died kind of look in your face! It's so fake that I have to apologize for what happened and take the responsibility of making you feel better. It's absolutely fake when I have to call you and pretend that everything is OK and we are moving on . It fucking fake when I have to accept it that you need more time to regain the cheer in you?!!?
Obviously, things have changed. I don't know if it's just me, but all I'm hoping to know is that if you are going to continue to behave like this. I can't take it, I don't care about the rest of them, but honestly, why should I call you a "best friend" anymore when you don't even care how difficult it is for me to put up with this nonsense?
Our relationship have certainly evolved - net friend -> friend -> clubbing kaki -> just friend -> buddy -> best friend -> BFF -> more than just BFF -> a pissed off BFF -> ??? Whether it will come back as a cycle, or progress into another form altogether... frankly, I am giving up hope. Unfortunately, not everything will come back to how it used to be. Exactly like my blog. The moment I save the new template, the old one is completely wiped out.
Perhaps, I've underestimated the fact that the reaction of one person - attitude, behavior, everything - could change the unity of a friendship. Which brings to the conclusion that I am not that person.
Face it. Things are changing. People have changed. Judging by the results of the election, we are about to see more changes, which I believe something that people of the country is hoping to achieve. I'm not gonna dwell on that. To me, I don't really care. Even if the opposition wins, it's not like they're going to recognize our Angkasawan Negara marrying the man of his life tomorrow.
Anyways, while working on the new layout, it just got me thinking about how much life has changed . Of course, there are a list of things I'm proud of. However, recently I see a difference in the dynamic of my friendship. It's one thing that I feel tough to make myself comfortable with because it is one of the things I treasure most in my life. And it's affecting me.
Back then, we used to hang out together almost every night. There were so many things to talk about, or even if nobody's talking, it felt like the communication still exists. It's all different now, just because of a silly drama happened just before CNY. Everyone are so rigid in the way they say things, for fear of offending others. Everyone have to take into consideration other's feelings so much. Just a wrong choice of word would end up stepping on the sensitive side and someone's temper. It's becoming like work - if I say this, what would the client think? How would the client respond, and what would be my best answer?
Well, yes... even friends need to be careful with words, respect each other and be a little more understanding. As how we've been through. But as I keep doing it, for about barely 3 weeks now, I just feel things are not real anymore. It's fake that I couldn't tell you that I don't like hanging out with you seeing the father-just-died kind of look in your face! It's so fake that I have to apologize for what happened and take the responsibility of making you feel better. It's absolutely fake when I have to call you and pretend that everything is OK and we are moving on . It fucking fake when I have to accept it that you need more time to regain the cheer in you?!!?
Obviously, things have changed. I don't know if it's just me, but all I'm hoping to know is that if you are going to continue to behave like this. I can't take it, I don't care about the rest of them, but honestly, why should I call you a "best friend" anymore when you don't even care how difficult it is for me to put up with this nonsense?
Our relationship have certainly evolved - net friend -> friend -> clubbing kaki -> just friend -> buddy -> best friend -> BFF -> more than just BFF -> a pissed off BFF -> ??? Whether it will come back as a cycle, or progress into another form altogether... frankly, I am giving up hope. Unfortunately, not everything will come back to how it used to be. Exactly like my blog. The moment I save the new template, the old one is completely wiped out.
Perhaps, I've underestimated the fact that the reaction of one person - attitude, behavior, everything - could change the unity of a friendship. Which brings to the conclusion that I am not that person.
1 comment:
Well, people grow and change over time - sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. Other times, its in different directions.
But regardless, anyone would be crazy not to want you as a friend...you bring a heck of a lotta excitement, that's for sure... :)
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